How a split-second decision made us legends within our community.
What is it about fall? The vibrant colors? The abundance of fun activities centered around gourds? Or that blissful respite when you can wear cozy sweaters and chunky boots without succumbing to the horrors of boob sweat and heat exhaustion?
While all of those sound heavenly (except boob sweat), let's face facts. The best part of fall is Halloween. Someone must have lit a black flame candle because this time of year I morph into the long-lost fourth Sanderson sister. Winifred may have the market cornered on dark spells and disdain for glorious mornings, but when it comes to handing out free candy to little goblins, my husband and I have reached LEGENDARY status.
You may be thinking to yourself - is there a ranking system for giving out Halloween candy? My friends there is, and lucky for you, I present this handy chart so you may properly evaluate what you're doing with your life. You've got time, make good choices.
Looking back on all of the Halloweens
of my youth, I realized we children were just a bit too early to use those MySpace coding skills to create a universal ranking for the types of candy folks would gladly drop into our pillowcases or petroleum-based baskets. A Yelp for grading our neighbors would have been quite handy.
Even despite our technology-free childhood, we knew which houses in the neighborhood gave out the good stuff and we'd race to their front doors first! For the rest of the night, we'd pillage every front door stoop within a two-mile radius like the sugared-up hellions we were.
There was always one sweet older couple who gave out homemade items. In my neighborhood, it was usually a brownie wrapped in cellophane. If Myrtle and Hank* were feeling really spry, you might find yourself on the receiving end of a caramel apple. Yum!
*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. And mostly because I don't remember their names and they're probably dead by now. Not being disrespectful, just stating the obvious... I was traipsing through my neighborhood more than 30 years ago in search of a sugar high.
As my childhood evolved, McGruff the Crime Dog really took a bite out of the fun. Stories were circulating across the country about nefarious party poopers lacing both homemade and commercially-processed candy with drugs, needles, and other bad stuff. That brought an end to the delicious homemade items. Boo. Our parents began inspecting our pirate's treasure vigorously, and because many of us hadn't yet done a complete inventory of our haul, who's to say that a mini Kit-Kat or the coveted Reece Cup went missing before we were allowed to pounce on that pile like a Spartan army?
I'm looking at you, Mom. :)
Most folks are kinda ho-hum about the quality of treats they give out. It's about as adventurous as buying toilet paper, just grab a bag and throw it in the cart because kids don't care. Quantity vs Quality.
Well, I'm here to shatter your preconceived notions about that one night of the year. KIDS CARE! And they're Judgey McJudgersons about it.
Our particular Halloween adventure began in 2005 when an industrious web developer named Brian wanted to create a tidy, efficient way to hand out candy in his new home. We were still dating at the time so he was flying that broom solo. Brian surmised that if he used tiny Ziploc bags, he could expedite the sugar exchange and turn off the porch light early. He placed two fun-sized candy bars in each pouch and dropped them in the bags. In his brilliant mind, there would be no fussing over who got three or who wanted which type. You get what you get, now get off my lawn!
In 2006 he was newly engaged and yours truly joined him in spreading a little spooky cheer. That night we heard one sentence that set off a chain of events that now has us placed in the LEGENDARY category for life.
Oh cool! Treat bags again!
So something important to know about me, I like a challenge. And mainly, I'm fighting a Gatorade/Nike battle within myself. I have created a monster, and it's not the tiny scarecrows or hoards of Elsas that walk down our driveway.
It's me! Every year, I want to be better, stronger, faster, smarter. And that includes upping the ante, no matter how costly or time-consuming it is.
Halloween 2007 was the origin of the famous Fuller Boo Bags! Not only did we offer treat bags, but I also made them festive! Who doesn't like a bag decorated with a stamp of a scaredy cat or a die cut in the shape of ghoulish doomed souls?
Unfortunately for us, our reputation grew. And as the first house in our large neighborhood, dozens of cars would line up to release their kids upon us like a hoard of really tiny, terrifying zombies. That first year, we had around 75 kids. The next year, 90, then 100, and before you knew it, we were handing out upwards of 150 bags per year.
Y'all, that's a crap ton of candy! But our reputation was so precious to me. There was no way I was disappointing these kids. I began to supplement the Fuller Boo Bags with other freaky finds.
By 2012, the Fuller Boo Bags included stickers, spider rings, and bubbles. What kid doesn't love bubbles?!?! And yes, I did keep a few vials for myself, mainly to harass our cat.
In 2015, we created five Mega Boo Bags to give out to the kids we thought had the best costumes. What's a Mega Boo Bag? Just double the good stuff and over-the-top praise from the coolest house in the neighborhood. One kid came as Zoltar from the movie Big. Clearly, he got top marks. One young lady ascended our steps as a corpse carrying her own disembodied head in an old cheeseball canister. She didn't know it, but cheeseballs are literally my weakness so I declared her the best costume of the night. Both she and her brother got a mega Fuller Boo Bag because I understand sibling rivalry. Also important to note that the cheese ball canister had airholes, otherwise suffocating on Halloween would have been awkward.
Parents would often comment "Our kids were so excited to see you again this year. They told us you're the first house they want to visit." Really, isn't that what it's all about? With tears in my eyes, I realized my life had come full circle. We were now the cool house in the neighborhood.
Fast forward to 2017, we decided to sell our house and relocate to be closer to Brian's work. I was incredibly apologetic to the young lady who bought our house. At the closing table, I told her about our stellar reputation for Halloween excellence and it was her decision whether or not to continue that tradition. Secretly, I hoped she did. But selfishly, I knew I could recreate the magic in our new home.
That first Halloween, I was surprised at the low numbers. Our neighborhood doesn't get that many kids. Don't get me wrong, I am delighted I no longer have to devote an entire day to Fuller Boo Bags, but still, I wanted them to be special.
When the first trick-or-treater came down our sidewalk, I gently handed him the holy grail of candy. I leaned down and whispered to little Buzz Lightyear "Just so you know, I'm the cool house." That little turd looked me straight in the face and said "Yeah, well, your neighbor is giving out full-sized candy bars."
Say what!?!?!?!
The next year, I chanted my Halloween mantra as I piled bag after bag into my cart. Better, stronger, faster, smarter. That year and every year since - Fuller Boo Bags have included A FULL-SIZED CANDY BAR in addition to the other goodies. My reputation must be upheld, I simply cannot have anyone usurping my reign as The Best Witch in the Neighborhood. If there is a ranking above legendary, I'm it!
It's not just the candy that brings all the ghouls to the yard. Do we turn away adults? Nope. Are teenagers discouraged from visiting us? Absolutely not! Will we judge a mom or dad for bringing an infant to collect a Fuller Boo Bag? No, and in fact, we will throw in an additional one at no cost. You don't even have to pay shipping and handling.
To me, gracious hospitality isn't a gift everyone has. But as I explained to my dearest husband years ago, establishing our home as a place where all are welcomed and feel important has always been a lifelong dream of mine.
In the stirring words of Maya Angelou, who probably had no idea her words would inspire me to spend the GDP of a small Latin-American country on candy each year...
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Not to mention it's one heck of an insurance policy. If our house catches fire, I guarantee the kids in my neighborhood are going to be the first ones to call 911. They all have iPhones anyway. Will our trees ever be toilet-papered? I hope not. But if they are, it wasn't because we give out craptacular candy.
So, my friends here's the TL; DR. When you're at Target, Walmart, or hoping to get a buttload of candy from Amazon delivered in time, consider the following from a Halloween aficionado...you can choose to skimp on candy thinking kids don't care, or you can be the cool house that inspires those little demons to pass along the flaming pitchfork of death onto a new generation of hooligans.
Make good choices.
Thanks for reading!
~ Christy
PS, As a bonus, here is an assortment of my most embarrassingly awesome costumes. Both my husband and I still love dressing up. Although I was a little perturbed he made a better-looking Mona Lisa than me.
